Overcoming psychological trauma after separation in 7 steps 

A breakup can cause severe psychological trauma and throw your life completely off track. But is it really a trauma? Or is heartache still “normal”? And if so, how can you overcome this psychological trauma and find your way back to a happy life? In this text, we give you 5 practical tips that can help you to overcome a psychological trauma after separations to overcome. 

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Help, I can't bear the separation! 

You have separated. Or your partner has separated from you. That hurts like hell. And it can also put you in a deep life crisis fall after the separation. 

The negative thought spiral takes its course and brings you deeper and deeper into helplessness… and you just think: 

• Separation feels like dying!
• I can't bear the separation! 
• I am not lovable! 
• What do I do now?
• I can't live without him/her!

These negative thoughts are probably among the worst consequences of psychological trauma. But there are also other symptoms…

Symptoms of traumatic experiences after separation

The following possible symptoms apply not only to trauma after separation, but to trauma in general: 

1. Intense emotional reactions such as anger, sadness, self-doubt, fear or guilt 
2. flashbacks or memories of shared experiences or conflict situations.
3. avoidance behavior towards places, people or objects that remind you of your ex.
4. sleep problems, nightmares or difficulty concentrating.
5. mood swings or signs of depression such as feelings of listlessness, loss of joy in life, nervousness and listlessness.
6. Physical symptoms such as gastrointestinal complaints, headaches, fatigue or dizziness.
7. addictive behavior or self-harming behavior as a coping strategy, including suicidal thoughts.

A notice: Please note that not everyone experiences the same symptoms after a breakup and that symptoms can also vary in severity. However, if your symptoms are severe and are having a huge impact on your daily life, please seek therapeutic help - e.g. through psychotherapy or trauma therapy. 

When does psychological trauma occur after separation? 

A psychological trauma after separation can occur if the separation is a profound emotional injury caused and the person concerned Difficulties in dealing with and recovery from this injury. People with

• a generally high level of stress in everyday life
• low resilience and
• low self-esteem

Because the separation deprives them of an important pillar of security, order and recognition in life pulled out from under their feet. The duration of the relationship, the degree of emotional connection and the external circumstances of the separation often also play a role.

Trauma often occurs after separation from narcissists or after toxic relationships. The emotional dependence and low self-esteem are particularly pronounced in those affected. For many, simply fulfilling the wish to separate is already a major burden. 

However, there are no universally valid definition for when a separation leads to psychological trauma and when it does not. Some people can cope with a separation relatively well and quickly return to a normal life, while others can suffer from the effects of a separation in the long term. However, if the separation is accompanied by an act of violence or another stressful experience, the risk of a traumatic reaction is higher.

Pain of separation after the end of a relationship: 4 phases of separation

A breakup roughly occurs in 4 phases. Finding yourself in one of these 4 phases can be too more clarity about your situation And not only that: The phases make it clear that the pain of separation does not last forever – but it is a Light at the end of the tunnel and you will not be mentally exhausted forever after the separation. 

The 4 phases of separation are:

1. Shock and denial: During this phase, the affected person often cannot believe or accept the separation. Feelings of shock, confusion, unreality and numbness can arise.
2. Pain and guilt: During this phase, the pain of the breakup becomes more intense and feelings of anger, sadness, despair and loneliness may arise. The person may also begin to blame themselves for the breakup and reflect on their mistakes or inadequacies.
3. Anger and Negotiation: During this phase, the person may become really angry with their ex-partner and try to negotiate a reunion or another solution. Feelings of disappointment, bitterness, irritability, revenge, jealousy and the need for control may also arise.
4. Acceptance and new beginnings: During this phase, the person begins to accept the separation and focus on a new beginning. Feelings of hope, relief and curiosity may arise.

A notice: The duration and intensity of each phase can vary and there may also be setbacks. 

But what exactly can you do now to get to phase 4 as quickly as possible? How can you actively work on processing emotional trauma after a breakup? 

Overcoming emotional trauma after a breakup: These 7 steps will help you overcome self-doubt and heartbreak

Step 1: Find out what stage of separation you are in

Look at the 4 phases again and determine where you are emotionally right now. This is a good starting point and will certainly give you a little hope that everything will soon get better 🙂 

Step 2: Seek social and professional support

The experience of losing your partner throws you into an emotional hole. Suddenly, an important part of your social environment and backbone collapses. This makes it all the more important that the "abandoned" person finds other people who can support him in this vulnerable moment. 

A well-functioning social network is essential for getting over a breakup. 

Talk to people you can trust about your feelings, fear of loss and insecurities. Often it is a great help for those affected just to have someone who listens. If you have no one in your personal circle, contact a professional coach or therapist who, for example, supports you in the context of a fear coaching accompanied through the separation process. 

Step 3: Learn coping strategies like PALMTHERAPY

Strategies for anxiety management and stress therapy can help you to get your fears and feelings under control again and to get rid of tormenting thoughts. Especially if you have another anxiety attack, they can help you as Skills against panic attacks be helpful. 

One of these methods is PALMTHERAPYExperience shows that especially in the case of fears and traumas, a particularly quick and lasting resolution can be achieved with PALMTHERAPY. But PALMTHERAPY can also help you if you simply cannot focus because you are constantly thinking about the separation.

With our training video you can Learn the method within a few minutes, it's really easy! Sign up here to get the training video for 0,- €:

And the best thing about the method is that you don’t have to wait forever for a therapy place with a psychotherapist. Palmtherapy can be used online as remote treatment Patients and therapists confirm that they were able to resolve even strong psychological stress within just a few sessions (sometimes even just one is enough!). 

In summary, therapists and coaches can learn the following with PALMTHERAPY compared to other methods:

• ✅ achieve extremely fast treatment results
• ✅ to treat any form of emotional stress
• ✅ to treat online
• ✅ treat the cause of your anxiety, not just the symptoms
• ✅ save costs through short, promising applications 

Learn more about how PALMTHERAPY can help with anxiety here: Transforming Fear into Calm with Acupressure

…or visit our expert directoryto find a certified PALMTHERAPY practitioner for your treatment. 

A notice: Recent traumatic stress is not only challenging in itself, but can also remind you of a previous trauma. Memories of the trauma can make the symptoms worse, so that the person affected often slides even deeper into the emotional crisis. In this case, it is even more important to seek professional help! 

Step 4: Keep a realistic view of your ex-partner

After an unwanted separation, many people tend to idealize their partner. All conflicts and disagreements in the relationship as well as the partner's weaknesses can suddenly be forgotten.  

But that does not correspond to reality! 

Try to realistic view of your ex-partner To internalize this, you can write a letter or a diary entry to yourself in which you also address the negative experiences and character weaknesses of your ex. Use phrases such as: 

• Although we have many beautiful moments together, there have also been conflicts in our relationship, such as...
• I have often been annoyed that...

Conclude with the sentence: "...and I'm glad that thanks to the separation, these conflicts are no longer part of my life."

Step 5: Be good to yourself and pay attention to your needs 

During this time of separation, you should pay particular attention to your own needs. Do you need a lot of Sleep or Proximity to other familiar people? What makes you feel good? What could you do more of to make yourself feel better? What was neglected in your relationship that you can now fully enjoy again? 

Step 6: Learn to accept

Acceptance is the first step to take control of your life and create positive change. Accepting your fear is also the first step to 10 Rules for Fear.

You have now had this separation experience, and that is okay. Realize that this experience may even be a enrichment for your life can be, because…

Step 7: Look ahead!

…accepting that the relationship is over automatically opens the Space for a new beginning!

What have you always wanted to do? What opportunity could this interruption in your life mean? What does the separation open the door to? Maybe you now have the opportunity to finally go on that long-awaited trip around the world...or move to another city. Or finally go out partying again or take a dance class because your ex-partner never wanted to do that. 

Focus on your opportunities!

Your experience can also lead to positive personality change after the separation because you are dealing more with yourself again and can give more space to your own needs. 

These were the 7 steps you can take to psychological trauma after a separation However, if you cannot resolve your trauma, the shock of the separation can lead to lasting, severe psychological suffering... and this is something that needs to be prevented.

Can a separation cause permanent damage?

The consequences of an unresolved separation can cause lasting damage, especially if it is accompanied by a serious event, such as fraud, a violent crime or the loss of a child.

Sometimes they only appear much later, for example when you break up after Jyou still haven't processed the years. 

Such a separation can cause certain symptoms, such as 

• depression
• anxiety disorders
• inability to bond
• suicidal thoughts
• adjustment disorder
• chronic stress (more on chronic stress treatment here) 

Important: A breakup does not necessarily cause long-term damage, and many people are able to rebuild their lives and be happy after a breakup. However, with the right support and strategies to manage anxiety, most people can successfully overcome their breakup and live fulfilling lives.

Can a breakup trigger post-traumatic stress disorder? 

Yes, in some cases a separation can be a post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) This can be particularly the case if the separation is accompanied by a traumatic event, such as an act of violence or a serious loss.

The symptoms of PTSD include intense emotional reactions, increased symptoms of autonomic hyperactivity, and sleep and concentration disorders. 

Early treatment can help symptoms subside more quickly and help the person recover from the separation more quickly.

Frequently asked questions about "Emotional trauma after separation"